Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Why do I feel the need to be so polite?

I have a strong dislike for telemarketers.

There I go being polite again.

Let me re-phrase that....I HATE telemarketers.

Last week, a particularly sneaky lass telephoned me. I had just returned the day before from a mini-vacay with the kids and was busy unpacking and trying to get my cranky two-year-old down for a nap. The caller ID registered "Unknown name, unknown number." Thinking it might be my girlfriend calling from work, I mistakenly answered the phone.

TM: Hi, is this Suzi? (Darn! Should have ignored it!)

Yes, it is.

TM: How was your vacation? (What the ---? Who is this?)

Fine, thanks...?

TM: Did you have a good time with your kids? Too bad your husband couldn't go with you. (?!)

Uh-huh...who is this?

TM: My name is (unintelligible, but disgustingly perky) and I'm with (unintelligible)...

I'm sorry, who is this?

TM: (Unintelligible, again). I heard you can really appreciate good wine (who told?) and I've got a great one to tell you about...it's a California Shiraz...blah, blah, blah... (Baby starts crying)...this wine retails for about $40, but I'm offering it to you today for $30 a bottle, sound good?

Actually, the only thing I hear right now is my baby crying and, if you'll excuse me, I need to put her down...

TM: You're telling me you wouldn't spend $30 on a bottle of wine? This wine is just fabulous ... (goes on to describe the grapes used and the climate conditions the grapes were grown in, picked at just the most perfect moment, fermented in cedar casks, blah, blah, blah) (baby crying hysterically at this point) So, you're telling me that it's not a steal at $30 a bottle?

Well, I didn't say that, it's just....

TM: How much would you be willing to pay for such a bottle of wine?

I'm sorry...my daughter is crying. It really is time for her to take a nap. So if you'll just excuse...

TM: ...because $30 is not that much when you consider ....blah, blah, blah...

I'm sorry ...you're not listening to me...can't you hear her? She's really upset ...

TM: blah, blah, blah...

LADY! YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME! I NEED TO PUT MY DAUGHTER DOWN FOR A NAP. NOW IF YOU'LL JUST EXCUSE ME, I'M GOING TO GO NOW...

TM: blah, blah, blah ...

I'M REALLY GOING TO HANG UP...PLEASE EXCUSE ME!

TM: blah, blah, blah ...

HERE I GO HANGING UP!

TM: blah, blah, blah ...

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR'E NOT LISTENING TO ME? CAN'T YOU HEAR MY DAUGHTER CRYING?

TM: blah, blah, blah ...

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? HAVE YOU NO SYMPATHY FOR WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? YOU MUST BE INSANE! I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE JUST IGNORING ME AND THIS INNOCENT CHILD! YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T HAVE CHILDREN...IS THIS HOW YOUR COMPANY TRAINS YOU? YOU MUST BE BRAINWASHED. NO--YOU HAVE ME ON MUTE OR SOMETHING--I KNOW THAT TRICK--MY HUSBAND DOES THAT ALL THE TIME. YOU NEED TO GET A GRIP AND A REAL JOB. GO DRINK A CASE OF YOUR $30-A-BOTTLE WINE. I HOPE YOU GET A MONSTER HANGOVER, YOU ANNOYING, EMOTIONLESS AUTOMATON! (pause) Thanks for calling. Have a nice day...(CLICK!)

4 comments:

Gina said...

Suzi, I am BUSTING out laughing here, omg... lol.... I hope you got to calm your daughter down, I hate telemarketers, I know they're just doing their job but GEESH...

MiniVanMama said...

Love this post! Girl, I can so relate...you gave me a good laugh too, and Lord knows I needed it!

Thanks for adding your blog link to http://moms-united.blogspot.com/2008/07/add-your-blog-to-our-mister-linky-list.html!

Love ya!
~Jenn

OnceUponADiaperCake said...

Suzi, your blog is a delight to read! Grats on getting back to your passion. You certainly have a knack for expressing your stories in an imaginative way!

Kudos!
Krista

kristleharrison said...

Oh my!! That so sounds like something I'd have done.. Only in less-polite words, I'm afraid. I have zero patience for telemarketers, so I totally feel your pain. I hope you got the baby down after that and the annoying wine-o left you alone!